Okay, here goes.

Once upon a time, I had one of my stories read out loud by a prof, while in class...quite possibly one of the most agonizing experiences of my life. And I fully understood the phrase "wanted to sink into the floor" after that day. But it wasn't so much that the story was being read out loud. Rather, it was one of the few times that I wasn't honest and didn't use my own voice to tell a tale, and instead wrote something for an audience of one, and hopefully for a grade of A. I'm not proud of what I did, but I did get into grad school based on that particular prof's recommendation letter. But whoring never feels good, regardless of what body part is involved.

That being said, I've learned my lesson and can offer this snippet to you with a clean conscience. Please keep in mind that this hasn't really been edited at all, and is still mostly raw material being poked and prodded into shape. So be kind, ok? This part is taken from the chapter where one of the protagonists is entering Pompeii for the first time.

...

The heat was stifling. Caeso dutifully walked beside the wagon, hurriedly ducking a gaggle of matronly women as they crowded the entire sidewalk. The women managed to simultaneously berate him for not getting out of their way, squawk about his awful manners and loudly giggle amongst themselves about his stained tunic. They did so without breaking their pace and speaking at each other as loudly as possible. Making a mental note to visit the biggest, most luxurious bath in town as soon as possible, he carefully inched his way past the group of women, unwilling to let them push him off the raised sidewalk and into the filth that the road barely contained.

As he finally managed to get around them, he looked around for the wagon and found that it was now a full block away from him. With a groan and a tiny slumping of his shoulders, he quickened his pace and casually cursed under his breath. The ill-begotten daughters of goat fuckers had caused him to slow down, and undoubtedly his father would have a few choice words for him. Probably something about the wagon, his lack of attention to said wagon, and how could he ever hope to become a successful merchant if he lost his goods in the middle of a city filled with thieves, murderers and villains? Caeso was not in the mood to listen to his father’s usual lecture and broke into a sprint, hoping to catch up to the wagon.

...

Yeah, it's rough. But I'm delighted with myself for finding a Roman male name that I absolutely love. He's starting to take shape, as is his female counterpart. More next time, if desired. Speak up in the comments if you're interested in seeing more of the story, please. Otherwise, I'm happy to keep my lunacy to myself and will go back to posting crafty stuff exclusively. Not a bad thing, either. Actually, I have a delicious FO that I *will* post about next time - I'm very happy with how it turned out.

Existential mittens, more like...

These.


Are evil mittens. They look innocent, yes? (Pattern is Instant Mittens - Rav link) But the pattern calls for an embroidered design after the knitting is complete. The originals have a very pretty heart on them...but that's not really my style. And after trying to figure out exactly what design I *did* want to show to the world...I collapsed into a major identity crisis. Who the hell am I anymore? And what do I want the world to see when they look at me? Gamer? Mommy? Village idiot? It's a nasty spiral of self-doubt and exploration. Two weeks after completing these, I still don't have any answers and the mittens still don't have a design. I have a feeling they may stay that way for a bit while I sort my head out.

Another quick knit - French Press Felted Slippers.


If you know me, you know that I don't much like wearing socks unless it's below zero. But I've been feeling the cold in my extremities more often these days - something to do with getting old - and this pattern is too cute to resist. FAST knit. Very warm slippers. And I only wiped out three times before figuring out that I needed to make the bottoms more grippy. Clearly, I am not a fast learner. Well, that...or I'm in denial about my balancing skills.

Speaking of balance, I've been playing my Wii Fit every two days or so since the New Year. I haven't shed a single damn pound. Buuuuuut. My back doesn't hurt as much, and I'm developed the ability to bend and twist like nobody's business. Something that my dusting skills have always needed, apparently.

In another twist to the identity crisis, I was recently asked if I'm still writing stories. I realized with not a little bit of horror that the last thing that I wrote was over two years ago. To be honest, I don't really have an excuse - the stories are there (and occasionally wake me up in the middle of the night), I just haven't written them down.

I suppose in a way, I'm still hung up on the story that I was developing for the Cyberpunk game that I was GMing a few years ago. But I'm trying to put that aside now, and have been working on a new story set in Pompeii. But note to self - do NOT let husband review writing, as his comments are total buzz killers. For example, "It's really...wordy." He tends to like his fiction to have exploding wizards in it, just so you know what I'm working with here. Next post, I'll show you a snippet of the new story. But that's next time. At the moment, I'm needed to mediate a war between dinosaurs and the evil teapot. Gotta use that diplomatic training for something useful. *sigh*

Brain Slug Baby Hat pattern...

is here.

I was bored. Wanted to mess around with writing up this pattern. Finally got up and off my arse and did so. (I think the DDR helped with that part.) Here you go!

Brain Slug Baby Hat!

Barely breathing...

but I made it, people. The holidays came and went (as did my in-laws), and I'm hoping that Santa was as good to you as he was to us. It appears that my brain went ka-blam-mo due to too much 'nog, and I have no pictures of Christmas knitting to show you. It seems that I forgot to take pictures of ANY of the things that I crafted. Final tally was: 1 scarf, 2 pairs of fingerless mitts, 1 Thermis, 1 hat, and 1 pair of penis mittens.

I was fortunate enough to receive lots of books. (Some crafting ones, some fiction.) Lots of yarn. Some lovely jewelery. A handbag. Lots of peace, love and joy. And. The. Awesomest. Thing. Ever.

DDR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah, yeah. Go ahead and sling some ethnic stereotypes my way now. All I know is that I am one freakin' happy camper. And if things go the way I intend, I am going to learn how to play the game without feeling like I have penguin feet. (The dance mat takes a little getting used to.) I love Russell Peter's take on Asians and DDR. Here, watch. (NSFW due to language...)

That's a little better...

This is the second mitten, and I learned quite a lot from it's completion.


One: When improvising a pattern, fer Pete's sake...look at other similar patterns so that you don't end up with Penishands.


Second: If improvising patterns, do not do so during a marathon session of Red Dwarf. The ensuing giggles will definitely distract you from the task at hand.


Third: Getting heavily into the Holiday Spirit(s) may also impair your ability to improvise said pattern. Regarding that last point...don't judge me too harshly, as my in-laws are coming for Christmas again this year. *sigh* The first mitten was ripped back and knit to match the second, and they've both been sent to my Mum, hopefully in time for the holidays. Canada Post is being a serious booger this season.

My swap package for the Shakespeare Swap has arrived! It was lovely, and there was clearly a lot of care put into this baby:




See that bag? Handmade, people. And it is the PERFECT size for my current FO, Thermis. And the scarf/shawl? Stunning. I am utterly charmed by this package and my faith in the Interwebs has been renewed. The holidays really are the most wonderful time of the year.

Sometimes, a mitten is just a mitten.

Heeeeey, that's one good lookin' FO.


Nice view from the back too...


Uhm.

For those of you who don't have the mind of a 12 year old boy...would I be a total dickhead to give these mittens in the condition that they're in right now? I believe that this is what the Brits call a cock-up. Maybe make the flip top schlonger? Or should I just rip it back and start from the middle again? After all, there are hours of entertainment to be had making random penis jokes when staring at these mittens, and that's gotta be worth something. Yikes. Any suggestions?

Whaaaa?

*Where* did November go?
Oh yeah, that's right.

Housewide H1N1 will do that to you. We were hit hard here, no need for the vaccination - we were immunized au naturelle. And of course, we managed to get sick the week before we left on holiday. Wonderful. But it was a great trip, as we were all healthy by the time we got on the plane. There were many bonfires in backyards, shopping, boardgames, shopping, and one unexpected FO.

While in TO, I was asked to knit a baby hat. So I made a little trip to the LYS from my parents place (Creative Yarns, great store!) and picked up a ball of Rowan Cashmerino for an Aviatrix hat.


It turned out nicely, and the only bad thing about it was that I was a dumbass and packed it in my luggage. So the hat is here with me and waiting to be matched with another hat for the recipient's older's sister before it's mailed off. I'm thinking Fish Hat.

I'm behind on Christmas knitting...as a pair of glittens were requested by my Mum. And seeing as how she gave birth to me and all that...she kinda takes priority here. I've now frogged three different mittens already in the search for the right one - Ysolda's Snapdragon mittens were too bulky and heavy. The Roman Holiday ones were too small. And the modified Cabobble mittens were too big. I am just having no luck with this project. Here's hoping that the Emerald Mitts will work.

And I appear to have lost a whole bunch of photos, including the ones I took of the swap packages that I sent out. So, I'm going to have to borrow some pics from the lovely recipients.


From the Odd Ducks group on Rav - for the Shakespeare Swap! A pair of socks knit in the Watchful Chaos pattern, a spindle bag sewn from silk brocade and lined with a crazy wild cotton print, various fibers including milk fiber, and an orifice hook made by me from sea glass I picked up on a walk at Lawrencetown.


Again, from the Odd Ducks group - for the Winter Sanity Swap. The idea was to prep a kit for your recipient to save them from the insanity of the holiday season. A pattern, and all the necessary accouterments needed to complete the project. As you can see, I had a fun time throwing in things into this package to help my spoilee get through the season.

Here's hoping that the packages I receive for these two swaps will also help me get though the season.

We decorated the tree and the house yesterday in anticipation of a winter storm blowing though the province. While it looks like it was decorated like a 6 year old high as a kite on a sugar rush was in charge...I love our tree this year. 'Cause if you're going to go geek, you'd better own it.




May the Force Be With You.